Toxic Shock Scare: A Warning

Guys, this is super embarrassing and like, definitely TMI but I think it is important to have the information out there because while I was experiencing symptoms I scored the internet and saw no suggestions as to what the real problem was.

Two to three weeks ago I started to notice a very strong and unpleasant odor coming from down below. Now, I am sexually active but always use condoms and shower every day. I am prone to yeast infections so I am careful only to use warm water on my lady parts lest I kill off more precious bacteria (I’ve been on enough antibiotics to completely sterilize my body and we have millions of important bacteria living within us- it can really mess you up). The smell didn’t go away and was beginning to get embarrassing; I went to work almost every day and was incredibly self conscious of my body odor. I couldn’t stand near anyone!

Along with the smell I was experiencing diarrhea as well as a brownish, watery vaginal discharge. I flipped out because I thought that Gale had given me chlamydia (it’s going around town) but like I said I am a condom PRO and didn’t have any pain or irritation. It was getting all over my sheets and so finally because the GP was closed due to a bank holiday I went to the pharmacy to get a bacterial self testing pH kit. I kind of thought that sense there was such a dead corpse odor it could be bacterial and the litmus test indicated as such so I went about treating myself with an over the vaginal gel meant to rebalance the acids and bases in my vagina. Over the next two days I performed pagan rituals and squirted the burning gel up there but NO IMPROVEMENT.

Two days later I got an emergency appointment at the GP. My pH was off the charts (around a 6.7 when 3.5 is the norm) and was put on metronizadole twice a day. That is the antibiotic that causes projectile vomiting with alcohol and all of those pesky rumors about not mixing liquor and antibiotics come from. Again, NOTHING IMPROVED and I started to get dizzy, feverish, and heart palpitations. I couldn’t stand for more than fifteen minutes at work and was in a sour mood let me tell you! Looking back, it was at this point my system was beginning to go septic. Two weeks after I first noticed the smell I was showering and felt something stringy coming out of my vagina.

It was a tampon.

Since I was meant to have my period that week it meant that the tampon had probably been up there for close to three weeks and I began screeching as I pulled that rotten clump out of me. I was rushed to a nearby hospital and put on an IV drip as well as given a second course of antibiotics to take home.

The doctors attempted to reassure me that it was pretty common to JUST FORGET YOU HAD A TAMPON INSIDE OF YOU but I am so incredibly disgusted with myself. I also question the nurse at my GP practice who checked me out down there. She didn’t even notice it! I am feeling much better and have noticed nothing unusual since but don’t make the mistake I did and forget a fucking tampon. Bad, bad call.

*  The important difference between my tampon infection and typical bacterial vaginosis is the colour of the discharge. Mine was brown while it should have been white or clear.  Tampons can also flip themselves sideways in at the bottom of your cervix so you may have to dig deep to find anything :((

Sincerely yours,



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