About a month ago I was struggling with my self worth and cheekily sought a compliment from the sugar daddy.
“Theoretically, would you date me?” I wrote to him.
A few hours later I saw that he had been active but had not responded. I hastily followed up the message.
“Don’t worry I don’t want you to be my boyfriend, I am just curious if I am dateable!!!”
“If you were staying in the UK and had a better idea of what you want out of life, then sure.” he finally replied.
Since than SD has been a bit cold. He had always been very courteous about responding to messages and FaceTime calls; he had a genuine interest in my thoughts and general life going ons but after this he became a bit of a dick. I would text him a few times about the weather or my dissertation and he would not bother replying. SD did not answer my face times anymore and kept the flirting down to a bare minimum. He seemed to be trying to push me away. I should mention that I explained to him I was having a hard time and did not actually mean to put him on the spot; I had just wanted a boost in self esteem. I value the SD’s friendship very strongly but I don’t think that there is enough chemistry or general compatibility to become anything more in the long term. He is a great guy and I have a fabulous time with him but I do NOT have a crush on him.
I think the issue is SD believes I have caught feelings. This is an assumption that many men make in casual, heterosexual relationships. I pride myself in being very upfront with my relationships about intentions and feelings; I tell a guy if I want more. Usually though, I do not. The friends with benefits model works very well for me but I do place a huge value on the friendship part of the equation. I want to enjoy hanging out with my fuck buds in a clothed setting. Like Gale and I get food and I give him advice on his crush but we can also enjoy a snuggle in bed. Having emotional support and love is important in any friendship and if all parties are honest and trust each other sex does not have to complicate things.
I will say the only issue I struggle with is jealousy. I should specify that this is not feelings jealousy of other girls; I just have a superiority complex and want to be the best fuck bud for my guys. I can’t lie, I do enjoy the attention. However, I explain to my fwb that this is the case. Whether they believe me or not is another story.
SD needs to listen to what I have to say and not what he is afraid is happening. I think he is a non confrontational person so this is how he deals with worries. I will try to straighten things out next time I am in London. I don’t want to lose his friendship (or his money) because I find his presence relaxing and his advice solid. Wish me luck.
Another part of me wonders what is really so bad about me “liking” him if I did? I am charismatic, interesting, somewhat attractive, happy, and kind. Am I really so repulsive? It’s not like he’s seeing anyone else or is married. Plus crushes are compliments so people should start accepting them!