British television is kind of awful.

Shows my flatmate likes to put on when I am eating my dinner:

Come Dine With Me- Four lonely, middle aged and/or homosexual Brits compete for glory and £1000 to have the best dinner party. They make three courses and provide some sort of “entertainment.” The entertainment is not good. It usually involves sexy dancing or playing strange Romanian games. The narrator’s voice is nasally and loud. It haunts my dreams. This show is always on bc no one would watch it otherwise.

Goggle Box- Now this is the most confusing one! Basically you watch a crap program about other people watching crap programs. Literally. They are watching TV and reacting to it. I am unsure how this is a thing.

Take Me Out- A tanned, mediocre man attempts to woo like 50 tanned, mediocre girls who all get a light. They turn their light out when he does something to offend them. He does a trick like a cartwheel or flexing his arm and then chooses a bae from the remaining lights. They go to an Island (probably off of Spain) called Fernando and make feeble attempts at flirting. It makes me mourn for love </3

I am a celebrity please get me out of here- A really pussy knock off of Survivor featuring B grade celebs. They camp in a forest but guess what? They get real food and running water and electricity and talk about how it is the hardest thing they have ever done. It is not actually hard.

X factor- Play God for all of these artsy fartsy teens who take themselves too seriously. Also, everyone refers to them as “artists” when really they are glorified karaoke singers. Most do not understand instruments or song writing. IT IS A FARCE.

One thing that all of these shows seem to have in common is that there is no real sense of competition. Everyone hugs each other and they do not even get catty or vote each other off. British television is so soft and disconcerting in its childish nature.

Sincerely Yours,



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